


I Loved You, I'll Leave You (Stony)

by majesticdragonair



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, It's getting there, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair
Summary: If he had the energy, he would've quaked.





	I Loved You, I'll Leave You (Stony)

**Author's Note:**

> title from rider by tstm (the song came up as i was writing and i screeched when i heard the lyric bc it's so perfect)
> 
> anyway idk what this is. it's been a week and i'm still sobbing, and i'm so mad bc there was no stONY AT ALL AHFBWKUBGO

“There is something heading for the breach.”

Everyone in the room froze at Shuri’s, hands tightening around warm drinks and thick blankets. Because they’d just lost so much today already, that he couldn’t be back already to rip their hearts out again. They were too tired, too sore, too broken to fight back.

But when the Captain stood and walked out without a word, shoulders straight and head high, everyone else followed. Rocket seemed more then hesitant to go, being the only one to not immediately follow, but Thor seemed to notice, letting his axe hand loose in his hand as he stopped between the battered doorway and the slowly setting sun outside.

He didn’t say a word, only looked at the space animal, who grumbled and jumped up, following as Thor send a wry smile and lifted his axe over his shoulder again, following the group now ahead.

Rocket was quick to get the thoughts of how the handle for the damned axe was the only part of Groot left, grumbling more and he trailed behind the god. They didn’t have to walk far before they reached the group, led by Steve, who had an arm out to stop them. They could barely see the red figure flying down from the clouds, black smoke trailing behind him in small puffs as he made his way to the broken barrier, not yet closed in favour of allowing everyone to mourn their deaths.

Bruce was awestruck, because who else would wear a red suit and fly faster than needed? The look downgraded when the figure made its way through the dome, only to give in and finally hit the ground. The being inside wasn’t loud enough to be heard, but the red suit tumbled on the long grass filled with dead bodies and rocks like a car after a head on collision, finally making a stop and not moving. Rhodey thought he would be the first up and running, but he was so very wrong.

Captain America was faster then them, feet moving in a near blur as he raced towards where the person stopped, black smoke barely visible, the red suit not. At least, not until he got close to it, but the figure was slowly rising as he reached his side.

Steve stopped in front of him, seeing the way not only the suit looked (barely put together, it was almost a miracle he’d made it here, from the looks of it), but how Tony looked. His hands were black, smeared in something not meant to be there. At least it wasn’t blood, but he could guess what was mattered in that black hair (with more greys than Steve remembered).

When they met eyes, Steve fell to his knees, and he felt so hesitant to reach out, to hug him, help him up, even open his damned mouth and speak. Tony beat him to it, not moving as he dryly spoke. His voice sounded hoarse, as if he’d yelled too much, but what was there to yell about?

“Nice to see you, Cap.”

He only nodded in response, and whilst his brain was telling him how now the wrong time was to finally talk about what happened between them, he so desperately wanted to open his mouth and babble with apologies and explanations. He knew that most of them would reach dead ears, because Tony probably didn’t care, would still hate Bucky to death.

(Lucky for him, Bucky wasn’t around to receive that anger again. Steve nearly vomited at the thought.)

Tony ignored his hand, standing on his own. He went to wipe his hands but froze before the reached his suit, instead quaking slightly before moving slightly. The suit flung open (a part of the inside flying out as if sprung that way) and allowed Tony out, in all his glory and slightly ripped clothes.

The others, by now, had made their way over, and Bruce was over instantly, pulling Tony into a hug that left the older man stiff, not hugging back. And shit, what the fuck had happened?

Bruce seemed to notice, pulling back, looking around. His voice was quiet, but with the winds of the world around them, it was easily heard. “Where’s Peter?”

(Nobody saw the way Rocket perked up at the question, except for Thor, who moved his hand to his head. He left it there, unmoving, hoping it relayed comfort to the rabbit.)

Tony shook his head hurriedly, his mouth opening and shutting and opening again before his voice croaked once more. “I’m sorry.”

Then he took a step forward and passed out onto the grass, a dead body to his left, and a rock possibly jutting his stomach.

-

When he woke up, his hands were clean, and he’d sat up quickly and rubbed and scratched at them until they were raw. His nails were bitten so low he didn’t draw blood, which made him hate his stupid nervous habits. He didn’t know how long he sat there, alternating between scratching and rocking and scratching and trying to fight down the bile in his stomach and tears in his eyes, until he heard the door to his room open.

Steve was there, cleaner than before, obviously fixed up like he was. He didn’t feel anger coil in his stomach like he imagined he would, as he lied in bed and wished that things had gone differently. He stood there, and seemed hesitant to get any closer, so Tony flung his legs off the bed before standing, making his way to him.

The first thing he did was slap him across the face, watch as Steve’s eyes flew shut, a soldier like him obviously taking no pain. Tony could tell you he felt more pain, his already pink hand glowing in a darker shade now at the recoil he felt. The pain was worth it though, to not have the other fight back. He could break Tony easily.

That thought didn’t scare him so much anymore, and that was the scary part. “I needed that.”

“I know,” Steven responded, face soft as his voice. He didn’t say anything, and Tony felt the stupid need to fill the silence with his first thought.

“The beard’s new.”

The taller man’s silence didn’t last long, tensely falling back into their banter, now more hesitant than it use to be. “Do you like it?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Steve’s lips turned up in a faint smile, barely caught behind the mass of hair covering his chin and seemed to hesitate before placing a hand on Tony’s shoulder. It was big enough for his fingers to curl over his shoulders, rubbing his back and catching on the hidden bandages.

Tony flinched. How long had it been since anyone had touched him? He’d been so holed up in his work, in fixing and adding upgrades, helping Peter (whenever he decided to put his phone on charge for once, of course). The flinch was slight, barely noticeable to the normal person, but Steven’s hand retracted instantly, leaving Tony cold again. He swallowed when he realised that he’d missed him, missed Steve, missed waking up in the same bed and his hours being more regulated because of them.

“Sorry, I…” Steve’s voice was so full of regret, as if he wasn’t talking about the touch just a moment ago, and Tony wanted to grab that hand back, so he wouldn’t have to hear Steve’s voice so heavy. The taller of the two didn’t continue, voice trailing off, and it Tony a second to realise he’d reached his hand out slightly, bandages around his wrist looking slightly looser, still pristine white.

The door opened again, and then Natasha was swinging in, seeming to pause when she noticed them in the position they were in. they turned to face her, and she narrowed her eyes at Steve before speaking. “We just wanted to check up on. How do you feel, Tony?”

Tony shrugged, arm falling limp. “I’m not dead.”

Natasha snorted, and Tony couldn’t help but notice how easy it was to fall back into their banter, their back and forth snide remarks that meant nothing but a good time. “Sure thing, fella,” And then she was off, just like that.

The awkward tension filled the air again once the door was gently shut, but Steve broke it quickly, finally cracking under the pressure. “Tony, I just- I fucked up.”

“You did.”

Steve winced, because yeah, he deserved that. “I’m not asking for forgiveness, but- I missed you.”

Tony felt conflicted, frozen to where he was, and suddenly everything felt heavier. He could feel the way his heart pumped his blood, and how his breathing became suddenly uneven. He suddenly could feel how his arms swayed the slightest bit, how he wanted to shift on his feet. He hadn’t realised now that he was still so angry, so pent up with too many different emotions to count, but he remembered the way Steve would laugh at his stupid jokes and made his coffee the way he wanted, with too much sugar and not enough milk. He was shaking terribly, but when he looked at his arm, noticed how that was just in his mind.

Tony nodded, because what the fuck was he supposed to say? “I’m such a fucking mess.”

Well. Okay.

Steve’s mouth curled up into a grin, almost like the ones he’d previously reserved for Tony. “Me too, Tony.”

And it wasn’t okay; not yet. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t smile through the pain, right?


End file.
